Yeah, I could probably do something where those lines kinda float behind my voice perhaps and don’t interrupt the main flow. I’ll experiment with that.
Well, I tried. Not sure if I did it right :) I kinda just let it make a first draft and take it to a point where it felt forced. Then I went back and tried to shape it.
Like I poured the beaten eggs in the pan, let them settle a bit, and then once they had some shape, they started to look like scrambled eggs.
I don’t know how you did this for as long as of poem as you did, it was difficult to maintain this state. There is a version of this poem I think that could be much longer, and maybe I will try it one day.
Actually I might try it again in a ghazal form maybe where there is a ring to reach for each couplet.
But for this one I just tried your idea of and opening and closing image.
I think for me, when I do this, it brings out my cynical nature. I’m also reading some Thomas Pynchon what resulted seems a bit too post modern but I tried to just go with the flow.
In the spirt of the activity, I should probably not hate too much on this cynical part of me. But there are some images here, that I don’t really need to encourage and I find bubbling to the surface a bit too quickly. I don’t know, it’s perhaps ok in moderation.
Of course. I feel it’s better to give such things a voice in art as opposed to life. The danger is also that certain cathartic self-explorations can be very narcissistic and consequently not helpful to anyone. I didn’t get that sense at all from your poem here.
It certainly helped to have the grounding image and the repetition of Ben Franklin quotes to cement it.
Powerful. You might be interested in Shakespeare's Richard II. There are many overlapping themes I see. If you ever rewrote it, that would be a useful source.
Appreciate that Rasmus. It was an interesting experience. I’m glad to have tried. It bubbled up some things that I probably wouldn’t have written otherwise, so I will keep it in mind!
This is great- feels really lyrical to me- except for those Franklin lines!
Franklin does fuck up the flow sometimes.
Yeah, I could probably do something where those lines kinda float behind my voice perhaps and don’t interrupt the main flow. I’ll experiment with that.
Thanks for stopping by :)
This is amazing, Josh! I'd love to hear what you liked and disliked about the stream of consciousness style.
Well, I tried. Not sure if I did it right :) I kinda just let it make a first draft and take it to a point where it felt forced. Then I went back and tried to shape it.
Like I poured the beaten eggs in the pan, let them settle a bit, and then once they had some shape, they started to look like scrambled eggs.
I don’t know how you did this for as long as of poem as you did, it was difficult to maintain this state. There is a version of this poem I think that could be much longer, and maybe I will try it one day.
Actually I might try it again in a ghazal form maybe where there is a ring to reach for each couplet.
But for this one I just tried your idea of and opening and closing image.
I think for me, when I do this, it brings out my cynical nature. I’m also reading some Thomas Pynchon what resulted seems a bit too post modern but I tried to just go with the flow.
In the spirt of the activity, I should probably not hate too much on this cynical part of me. But there are some images here, that I don’t really need to encourage and I find bubbling to the surface a bit too quickly. I don’t know, it’s perhaps ok in moderation.
Of course. I feel it’s better to give such things a voice in art as opposed to life. The danger is also that certain cathartic self-explorations can be very narcissistic and consequently not helpful to anyone. I didn’t get that sense at all from your poem here.
It certainly helped to have the grounding image and the repetition of Ben Franklin quotes to cement it.
Powerful. You might be interested in Shakespeare's Richard II. There are many overlapping themes I see. If you ever rewrote it, that would be a useful source.
I want to see more stream of conscious poetry after this.
Wil Price did a great job and inspired me. Check him out for sure! Thanks for reading 😊
This is incredible Josh! You definitely should do some more exploration of the stream of consciousness style! It suits your writing well
Appreciate that Rasmus. It was an interesting experience. I’m glad to have tried. It bubbled up some things that I probably wouldn’t have written otherwise, so I will keep it in mind!
I like it and those Franklin lines serve the other verses well in my opinion.
Yeah, maybe I will just have to work on Ben Franklin voice to make it obvious when I’m reading it :)
Ha! Yes.
Very nice, Josh. I'd love to see this fully fleshed out visually; I can see the compatibility with bills and the magnetic strip.
Oh yeah, that would be interesting. It would go well on VHS I think. Thanks :)
Brilliantly done, Josh!