It’s been a few months since I last did an open mic. And even though I read poetry live here every Friday, it is different in-person. Especially when I’m trying to add live musical elements, in a room of musicians nonetheless.
I brought the trumpet back with me and just to make things challenging, I lead the audience in a Gregorian Chant (around the 5 minute mark).
I was talking with and now Miguel, who has an EP in the works, about the tension between doing something new and refining / polishing something until it’s good. I’m still learning this balance. For example, I did not memorize any of these poems — one of them I just wrote yesterday. If I wanted a spectacular performance, I would memorize all the poems. The musicians do this.
But the effort to go from reading to memorization is pretty high. It would be amazing if I memorized all 32 Bloody Sonnets, but is it better to do that or focus on something else?
The stage, the music, the presentation, all of these elements are missing in written poetry. It’s a different medium and I’m still discovering which medium is best for me. This format does have it challenges however. When I tried to preface my poem, Department of War, I tried to provide it context as a veteran. It is confusing to people why a veteran is outwardly antiwar. It is as confusing as why a submarine officer was deployed to Afghanistan — I am both. I’m not sure I communicated this as well as I could.
The challenge in approaching this topic is that two things can be true. Veterans can be selfless, heroic, courageous, and of a noble heart. This selflessness can also be taken advantage of by a government lacking checks on the use of its military. It results in a paradox. A self-sufficient warrior class that’s abused by its own government. I don’t know how to else explain the 30,000 suicides from the GWOT time. A time when there was only 3,000 American deaths in 20 years. And to complicate things further, veterans don’t like thinking of themselves as victims. Just speaking for myself, it challenges my self-identity in a violent way.
All of this is to say, there is a tension of getting these words out, unscripted in front of audience and writing them perfectly to be engraved in stone. Although, Department of War is also maybe a bit strong for this type of event. It’s uncomfortable. But, it’s uncomfortable on purpose.
I once heard Ed Sheeran say something like, you don’t do 300 gigs in year (which he did starting out) and don’t get better. I think that’s how I’m thinking of these. I want to get better at them. These open mics are exhilarating and humbling.
So if you listen, thank you, just know it’s a journey for me. Thank you all for reading and I would encourage you all to give an event like this a shot!
All of the poems I read I have not previously recorded. The set list contained:
